Sylvia's Motherf**ker

Sylvia Park Shopping Centre is an American style mall that makes you just wish for a Dawn Of The Dead style zombie takeover.

Though the flimsy entrances would be easily overwhelmed by the undead pricks, the conveniently placed Warehouse (they sell everything you could possibly need, except maybe shooters) would provide an excellent source of off the shelf weaponry and medicine and the Pak N Save at the other end has all the alcohol needed to fuel the bloodlust required to see off the rotting horde. Plus, they have a superb food court right smack in the middle selling just about all the body needs after a hard day of cadaver carnage.

The reason I mention this place at all is that while I was loitering outside a clothes shop, a stall selling calendars caught my eye. There amongst the Twilight, Lolcats and Maori items was a familiar symbol. I pulled aside several years worth of Robert Pattinson’s chiselled features (and by chiselled I mean smashed several times with a hammer) to reveal an LUFC calendar. Yes, even here in Mordor, the Mighty Whites seem to have an audience. Possibly because of the sheep.
With the beginning of a tear in my eye I replaced the 12 months worth of Ken Bates finest and went back to loitering outside the clothes shop while I waited for the wife.

After a few minutes, however, the nostalgia had left me and I returned to the stall and hid the calendar behind a Man Utd one, where it should hopefully remain undetected for some decades.