MUL1TT

Driving in Mordor is an eye opening and rectum closing experience. For the most laid back people outside of Jamaica, the Kiwis seem to be totally different behind the wheel and each and every one of them seems to turn into Steve McQueen when the engine fires up. There doesn’t seem to be any malice, they simply want to get from A to B in record time and have no patience when it comes to cautious foreigners. Most cars seem to have a few dents and it probably goes a long way to explaining why the majority of them don’t have insurance. Also, I've noticed that as a universal rule in any English speaking nation, nothing says "fat chavvy slapper driving" better than a pink fluffy steering wheel cover and a "Princess on Board" sticker. Horrific.

Number plates in Auckland are quite interesting, though, in that there are a lot of personalised ones. The five or six character alphanumeric plates are often used for business purposes (for example MUMS2B is the plate of a midwife agency not a couple of lasses who are up the duff) or to describe personal attributes. This week I have seen 1RISH, KOSOVA and SAMOAN as well as the rather more disturbing HUMMER (on a Humvee and hopefully nothing to do with the sexual practice enjoyed by the huge Pacific Islander driving it), MASTER (I’m assuming a Dr Who fan rather than an S&M fetishist) and COWLDY (which I’m not even going to speculate on).

The other amazing thing about Auckland is that the mullet appears to be alive and well here and have seen a couple of stunning examples being sported by different creeds and ages. I saw one the other day that was down to the waist.

I really need to get one or two captured on film but they seem to be like Bigfoot or UFOs in that you only see them when you don’t have a camera.