Christchurch: The Irwin Allen Years

Now the fallout from the Canterbury quake has settled, I can at last discuss the merits of this enforced restructure.
I keep having a go at Christchurch in this blog and I must admit that despite never visiting the place I have a very negative image of it through media coverage, police reports and the realistic Lego version of Christchurch I saw. Whereas most Lego representations of cities feature scale models of famous monuments, the Lego version of Christchurch was just pieces scattered on the floor. With mice running over it.
I think this was unfair as there was no realistic representation of the town hall (now overrun with feral cats), the 3000 puddles the city has or the wormhole that goes back to the 12th Century.
Christchurch is sort of a glitch in The Matrix where none of the conventional laws of nature or sense have dominion. It’s a lot like Wales.

Though the quake had no human casualties I understand that several goats were killed shortly afterwards as a sacrifice to the angry UnderGod, and the blame for it all was squarely laid on the triple threat of moral turpitude, widespread disbelief in the aforementioned UnderGod and something the locals refer to as electrickery (a form of devilry that was introduced to parts of the city only days before). The city itself seems to have suffered some moderate structural damage with a few exceptions of collapse. In some areas it is hard to tell and insurance assessors have been scratching their heads and looking at Google Maps to see if the buildings were actually like that to begin with, though it is difficult to tell with mud huts and burned out Nissan Bluebirds.
There was also some sporadic looting of abandoned property, which doesn’t surprise me to be honest. Though a beautiful place when you look at it from a distance (the International Space Station for preference), the city is forever tainted by the criminal elements.
Let me put it this way, if there was ever to be a re-enactment of the Maori Wars and they needed a city to destroy as part of it, then Christchurch should be top of the list as the crims and the quake have already made a decent head start on it.

Throughout the coverage, I saw the Prime Minister nodding sympathetically as he surveyed the tipped over crates of beer but not once did I see the MP or mayor, which leads me to believe Christchurch actually doesn’t field an elected official. This is probably since their first mayor failed to live up to the achievements of his predecessor and is instead represented at the Beehive by a broken stool with a crushed can of Woody’s on top of it.

A few days ago there was a retrospective of the events of the quake and how it is only now hitting home for some residents (presumably the ones who have just sobered up or returned from prison). In this report was an indication that depression and suicides were up on previous years and that mental health services are stretched by the influx. Is this down to the quake or have folk finally snapped after finally realising that they live in Christchurch?

The mood has been further upset as they seem to have had more aftershocks than Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen and Sarah Harding put together. As soon as they start to do some remedial work on a property, another rumble comes along and sends the mud and hay flying. Shortages in water, electrickery and burglary tools are causing a problem and the area has so many cracks and crevices in it, that when viewed on Google Earth it looks uncannily like Gordon Ramsay’s face.

I once mentioned my disdain for the place at a social gathering, before the person I was speaking to said she was from there. After leaving me squirming for several uncomfortable seconds she informed me that it was an awful place and she couldn’t wait to leave.
That said, she did point out that Christchurch is a place where opportunity can knock at your door at any moment. It’s just that when it finds you aren’t in, it breaks through a window and steals all your stuff.