Valdez Is Coming 2: Burrito Gang Bang

Kiwis have invented many things in the past few hundred years including the bungy jump, frozen meat, the tranquiliser gun, electric fences and the wooden contact lens* (invented in Auckland in 1849, meaning that the Kiwis were both ahead of and behind the times simultaneously**). One thing they didn't invent was sarcasm, though they seem to have discovered it now and are using it like it is going out of fashion.
It appears to be the main form of humour over here, possibly as they seem to say "eh" at the end of everything and you're unsure if they are being sarky or friendly. Recently we saw a prime example of it while stopped at an intersection. There we were, waiting for our chance to turn into the steady stream of traffic with a build up of two cars behind us. As we didn't want to be cut from the wreckage of our car we foolishly decided to wait until there was a decent gap instead of using the established Kiwi methods of either
a) hitting the gas while saying "Jeeeezusfuckingchristtttt!" and relying on the oncoming vehicles to brake in time or
b) (as I saw once in the city) closing your eyes and just letting The Force do the driving.
Anyway, after a good thirty five seconds we still hadn't moved, so the middle aged bloke in the car behind us got out, walked past our car and stepped into the traffic to stop the cars so that we could get out. All the time sarcastically waving us forward and smiling at us with a grin that had more teeth than an entire family in Gipton.
It worked, though, eh.

They offset this apparent sarcasm with politeness. Unlike back in the UK, roadworks seem to be completed to schedule, but even after they are, those responsible for the works put up a sign after completion to say thanks for putting up with the disruption. It makes a hell of a difference as in the UK they don't seem to care if affects you or not. I mean they may not care here, either, but if not they at least pretend that they do.

The locals here at Mission Bay are also a very friendly lot for the most part and you can't meet one of them without them offering you a drink, your choice of seating and something from the specials board. And all they ask in return for this kindness is payment in cash or EFTPOS.

On the subject of which, my favourite Mexican restaurant in Mission Bay was closed last week, though I haven't been in myself for a few weeks. The last time I was there, they were criminally understaffed and the manager himself had to wait my table. I got the feeling then that he was a bit of a bellend, and I was proven right the other night. Said manager has apparently done a runner because he owes one of his ex-staff $15k in damages after he harassed him in the workplace simply because he was gay. Female ex-staff have also said that he harassed them too, albeit sexually, and it turns out that he has had some legal trouble before as he is a former brothel owner! So, that's settled it for me as I'm not eating anywhere owned by a homophobe let alone a sexually harassing ex-pimp.
By some of the stuff he was saying to the male ex-staff member he sounds like he has a few sexual identity issues himself, so if he winds up inside I'm sure the boys on D Wing can introduce him to their own recipe of spicy chimichangas in the showers.
Aye Carumba!


*Not really.
**All lies.